She may not be much to look at...but at least she's loyal. Starts up every time. There's not much that can be said about the looks of this truck. She's straight up ugly. One thing is for sure though...you couldn't find a safer ride. Unless you have a military I.D. and have driven heavy artillery, you've never driven something this tough. She took a head on collision from a full sized fire truck on a cold, icy winters night about 8-9 years ago. I drove her home afterwards. Let's see a suck Prius do that! Other than oil changes, and a new fan to get the heater blowing, she hasn't been in the shop in over a decade. This truck will keep running well beyond the apocalypse. Great for smashing slow zombies, fast zombies, diseased freaks that act like zombies, radiated mutants, demon possessed individuals, potential road kill dinners, or even old Satan himself. Not good enough for the old E.P.A. standard emissions test. (Fresh air loving wussies.) So it will need a tune up to get its needed inspection sticker. Unless of course you know somebody who knows somebody who knows someone. Get what I'm saying? You could also do it yourself, and save some money. Good for you smart guy! Other than that, and it's horrendous looks, and the fact that the drivers side seat wouldn't pass N.A.S.A. safety tests, it's a wonderful truck. Oh...the A.C. doesn't work, but the heat does! Warm , warm, warm ass air blowing freely all over you. Not just for winters any more. Did you really expect a working A.C.? Grow up. So other than that, and all the things before that, it's a great truck. Aside from Sunday driving at the end of the world, it would also make a great ranch or hunting lease truck. Back seats lay down, leaving plenty of space for dead animal carcasses, road kill, or a little baby lamb rescued from a flooding creek full of water moccasins. Just like lonesome dove. Other great tidbits. It has four working doors, window tint, some not so lightly stained and debris filled carpet, a working stereo with detachable face(Oh boy!), and a beautiful tri-color paint job.( White, Rust, and Baby blue) I really hate to get rid of her, but I've been told my property values will go way up, and my neighbors will like me again if I do. My wife also seems to think it's not very baby appropriate. (I think she couldn't be more wrong.) But being a good husband, I have no choice but to agree with her. (Love you honey.) Because of all this we are using her phone number, since I'm too depressed and a little anti social. If you think you are man enough for this Unstoppable Suburban Death Tank, call or text this number.
